http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9d8S_9PZ56M
I've been "kanye'd!" Remember last fall when Kanye West rudely interrupted Taylor Swift's acceptance speech at the MTV Awards, effectively stealing her spotlight? (Click the link above to view the video). Well, a similar thing happened to me last week, only my "Kanye" moment occurred via email, not cable television.
I emailed a notice about an upcoming concert to a group of musicians. Shortly after the email went out, I received a response from one of the recipients. The sender hit 'reply all.' "An embarrassment of riches!" began the message, which went on to advertise the sender's own concert . . . scheduled at the same time as mine. The sender obviously realized the two concerts coincided and attempted to cover up her faux pas by "facetiously" making note of that fact and then inviting the other recipients to call her while she was in town. Hmm. I don't think facetious is quite the right word to describe this situation. Let's see -- I sent an announcement/invitation about a concert to a group of musician friends; one of the recipients used my email group to promote her own competing concert. What do you think, Miss Manners?
Gentle Reader: It was most certainly rude, but that's not the half of it. By clicking 'reply all,' thereby using your email group (can't she create her own?), she in effect made you her private (unpaid) secretary. In the future, you might consider sending out concert notices by way of the U.S. Postal Service.
Of course, anyone who reads Miss Manners's column knows that she frowns upon sending any sort of invitation by email. Still, she acknowledges that email has become the most efficient (if not polite) form of communication, and the rules of etiquette still apply.
How about another opinion? What say you, Dear Abby?
Dear Kanye'd: Well, I always say that no one can take advantage of you without your permission. However, this seems to be one of those rare instances in which someone did take advantage of you without your permission! My advice is to simply eliminate her from all future mailings.
I'm sure that some of my audience thinks I'm overreacting and I should just let it go. So somebody stole my thunder -- what does it matter? Well, for one thing, I'm not the only one who took offense. I received feedback from three other recipients of both my original message and the piggyback response. One recipient emailed me privately with the following subject line: "Did you just get trumped?" All agreed that the sender was out of line.
Secondly, there's no excuse for rudeness. People choose to be rude; exhibiting rude behavior does not happen by accident. Unfortunately, we live in a time when rude behavior is increasing. We live in a country where shouting insults, vulgarity, and name-calling are becoming the norm in public discourse. Kanye West didn't just wander on stage at the MTV Awards, stumble upon the microphone in Taylor Swift's hand, and randomly express his opinion that Beyonce should have won the "Best Video" award. He made a conscious decision to trump Taylor's moment and make it his own. In much the same way, my facetious colleague made a conscious decision to use my email group to further her own agenda. A few months ago, another colleague made a conscious decision to "non-invite" my husband to a brunch with other musicians (again, by email) by announcing to all of the recipients of the message that she didn't invite him because she didn't think he would want to come. What would Miss Manners say to that?
Everything we need to know about how to get along with others we learned in kindergarten. I'm assuming, of course, that all of the aforementioned people attended kindergarten. Even if they didn't, it doesn't take a D.M.A. to know the basic rules of civility: Always say "please" and "thank you." Don't interrupt. Wait your turn. Respect others' personal space. Ask permission before you use your friends' stuff. You can't invite just one person in the class to your birthday party, you must invite the entire class; to do otherwise is impolite.
Manners matter. There is another facet to the Kanye West-Taylor Swift debacle. Beyonce Knowles, the singer whose video was the subject of Kanye's spotlight-stealing rant, showed real class later in the show when she took the stage to accept an award. Instead of using her time to give her own acceptance speech (as she was entitled to do), Beyonce called Taylor to the stage and selflessly yielded the microphone to Taylor so she could complete her interrupted speech. If you ask me, the world would be a much nicer place if we had more Beyonces and fewer Kanyes.
Every one of the musicians who received my emailed concert announcement is a teacher. Included in that announcement was a request: "Please pass this announcement along to your students." Perhaps I should have added: "And please set a good example for your students!" I'm a teacher, too. That's why I can't just let this incident pass without comment. There's an often-used saying these days: Be the change you want to see in the world. Be a Beyonce, not a Kanye.
How about another opinion? What say you, Dear Abby?
Dear Kanye'd: Well, I always say that no one can take advantage of you without your permission. However, this seems to be one of those rare instances in which someone did take advantage of you without your permission! My advice is to simply eliminate her from all future mailings.
I'm sure that some of my audience thinks I'm overreacting and I should just let it go. So somebody stole my thunder -- what does it matter? Well, for one thing, I'm not the only one who took offense. I received feedback from three other recipients of both my original message and the piggyback response. One recipient emailed me privately with the following subject line: "Did you just get trumped?" All agreed that the sender was out of line.
Secondly, there's no excuse for rudeness. People choose to be rude; exhibiting rude behavior does not happen by accident. Unfortunately, we live in a time when rude behavior is increasing. We live in a country where shouting insults, vulgarity, and name-calling are becoming the norm in public discourse. Kanye West didn't just wander on stage at the MTV Awards, stumble upon the microphone in Taylor Swift's hand, and randomly express his opinion that Beyonce should have won the "Best Video" award. He made a conscious decision to trump Taylor's moment and make it his own. In much the same way, my facetious colleague made a conscious decision to use my email group to further her own agenda. A few months ago, another colleague made a conscious decision to "non-invite" my husband to a brunch with other musicians (again, by email) by announcing to all of the recipients of the message that she didn't invite him because she didn't think he would want to come. What would Miss Manners say to that?
Everything we need to know about how to get along with others we learned in kindergarten. I'm assuming, of course, that all of the aforementioned people attended kindergarten. Even if they didn't, it doesn't take a D.M.A. to know the basic rules of civility: Always say "please" and "thank you." Don't interrupt. Wait your turn. Respect others' personal space. Ask permission before you use your friends' stuff. You can't invite just one person in the class to your birthday party, you must invite the entire class; to do otherwise is impolite.
Manners matter. There is another facet to the Kanye West-Taylor Swift debacle. Beyonce Knowles, the singer whose video was the subject of Kanye's spotlight-stealing rant, showed real class later in the show when she took the stage to accept an award. Instead of using her time to give her own acceptance speech (as she was entitled to do), Beyonce called Taylor to the stage and selflessly yielded the microphone to Taylor so she could complete her interrupted speech. If you ask me, the world would be a much nicer place if we had more Beyonces and fewer Kanyes.
Every one of the musicians who received my emailed concert announcement is a teacher. Included in that announcement was a request: "Please pass this announcement along to your students." Perhaps I should have added: "And please set a good example for your students!" I'm a teacher, too. That's why I can't just let this incident pass without comment. There's an often-used saying these days: Be the change you want to see in the world. Be a Beyonce, not a Kanye.
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